Consent is Cool

 I was at a party recently where this man I'd never met before wanted a hug upon entering. I said “high five” and put up my hand in the air and he grabbed my shoulder, pulling me to him saying “come on it's the holidays, give me a hug!” to which I said “I don't even know you, so no.” and pushed his very strong,grabbing hand off me.


He. Got. So. Angry. Started mumbling something I don't care to repeat and all because I would not share my body with him when he wanted. I believe this is a very strong example of male privilege. Demanding I share what is my space because he wants it. Has a man ever done this to you? Perhaps even a father or cousin? Have you felt powerless to stop it and just let it go and given the hug?


I. Could. Have. acquiesced. I could have just given him a hug. No biggie right? Wrong. Because that would go to the very core of my issues of helping others get their needs met (making sure they feel 'ok') while putting my needs on the back-burner. Co-dependent anyone? Their ok-ness is thier responsibility. My ok-ness is not dependent on their response to me. That's why that dudes response didn't ruin my night. My ok'ness is my job and that is where standing up for my needs (in love for myself) make all the difference to how I carry myself in the world.


Wow. It doesn't sound like much but it has taken a lot of work embodying the 'divine masculine' where I feel the strength standing up for my needs and not cowing to theirs. I know it is embodied masculine when I don't feel anger towards them (as that is the fear of them being hurt and it is 'so my responsibility' for them not to feel sad right? Wrong!) just love and safety for myself. It's their responsibility to own their actions. And I truly believe the only conscious response a man could have to that situation is “no problem, come right in”.