1. Stop what you're doing
2. Give yourself a time out
3. Say No - no need to rush, clean, please others.
4. Lay down or sit, close your eyes and just breath for 10 min (but 1 will do!)
Please tell me when you feel overwhelmed what do you do to refresh yourself in the posting below.
Be well~ Kelly
What do you want in 10 Years?
4 steps on how I manifest:
Step 1: Think about it - that's easy!
Step 2: Believe in it - feel it in my bones (believe in it type stuff). I must love this step or it's not a true yes.
Step 3: See it in my minds eye - or vision for the future. I say and feel a YES to my vision when I see it. It's where I want to be in 10 years.
Sept 4: Take action to get it. Re: if you want to be a singer - start singing and taking lessons.
Manifesting is not sitting under a tree and oming - for sure that will help but I must actively contribute to what I want to create in this lifetime: I hope you do to and I'd love to hear what you have created or want to create.
Consent is Cool
I was at a party recently where this man I'd never met before wanted a hug upon entering. I said “high five” and put up my hand in the air and he grabbed my shoulder, pulling me to him saying “come on it's the holidays, give me a hug!” to which I said “I don't even know you, so no.” and pushed his very strong,grabbing hand off me.
Slutty Halloween: Do it for yourself!
Ah, welcome in another year of slutty witches, sexy vampires and anything else one can tart up. I agree, It's every woman right to dress exactly how she wants with no re-percussions. However, energetically what is the message you put out there when you dress up as blank slutty blank for Halloween? I say if you want to look f----ing sexy for yourself go on and do it but if it's for anyone else but you, stop and think.
Dressing in a slutty/sexy Halloween costume just to get the attention of some stranger sends a host of energetic messages from your body like: You should like me 'cuz I am sexy instead of I am amazing without having to prove it to you by dressing provocatively to hook you in.
In my younger years I have been a slutty fire fighter, dirty devil, sexy witch and I am sure there are some I've thankfully forgotten. But the past few years however, have left me wondering why I must pump up my boobs up on Halloween while looking like a daemon to get a dude to notice me – isn't it about being scary? How about a killer zombie costume with no mascara - instead of a sexy zombie?
To each their own of course, I'm just sayin' you're better than that if you're looking to hook someone in just based on how you look – however if you want to dress sexy for yourself then more power to ya!
What's the Divine Masculine?
What is the Divine Masculine? More importantly what is the divine masculine within a womyn?
I never thought about this until a friend shared a very special experience where a shaman helped her bring back that divine masculine piece of herself she had lost all those years ago.
You should have seen the way her body moved! When she started explaining to me what it was like to energetically get back masculine piece to her soul – her body moved as if a ripple of delicious energy moved through her spine making her back arch and arms float up as though a wave moved through them.
Well I wanted some of that!And that is why I have gone on the hunt. What is this divine masculine energy that is yang to my yin? How did I loose it or push it deep into my subconscious? How does that differ from the Patriarchal Masculine?
From what I gather the patriarchal masculine within a woman is that typical ball buster woman who has taken on all the qualities of 'the man' with out embodying the man. The Divine masculine is strong but gentle, firm but always coming from a place of love, open to new experiences but also very much knows who his is and what he stands for.
This is a man I would like to invite into my life but I am guessing I must first find that energy within myself before I can find it outside of myself. Another piece of my puzzle fitting. If you are lucky enough to have found your divine man – inside yourself and outside of yourself - congratulations!
Taking Space is NOT selfish
This summer I went on retreat to a friends for a whole week. By day two stuff started to show up (big surprise) so I pulled back. However, because this person is so intuitive, and brilliant at not taking things personally she asked me to share what was up.
It was awkward, I felt like crawling out of my skin and hiding even though I'd had the conversation with her in my head a half dozen times. So the words came out all stilted and wobbly and she listened to me. Not only that, she didn't interrupt, try to defend or make faces as I spoke – she just heard me.
What a shift from my last vacation! Not only that, it took us to a new, perhaps slightly awkwardly new space, clear of all the drama. What? No drama – what will I hang on to?!
When I broke down to break through a few days I made space for me and we shared later. I had done the work – sitting there instead of going out partying and faking it and it was so uncomfortable I felt like I was going to be sick.
However, the running away from myself wasn't working, or the distractions, or the vacation, so I took my time to just feel it. OMG I felt it! Am I crazy or what?! But it shifted me, and I'm not totally sure how but there is now a spaciousness where once I felt hopelessness and a peacefulness where there was once ungrounded anxiety.
I'm definitely not done growing and doing my work but I'm not broken and OK exactly where I am. I have a new spaciousness in which to face my pain, my anger, my jealousies, anxieties, whatever-ties and just sit in them, ask them what they want to tell me and go through it instead of trying to get around it.
This vacation was a far cry from the last as I left a little bewildered, clearer and shifted due to a great space I made for myself but that was also consciously made for me. Wow.
NTS: Take space whenever I need it.
My Body... in a Bikini
So I went away for a long weekend and it started out great with a celebration for me. Of course after 48 hours the old anxieties started to creep in and I have to say – it was a stressful weekend for me. Hanging out in my bathing suit around certain people knowing I have gained weight and not wanting them to see my pain – of not being able to accept my self the way I am and not care what others think- and why? Well, this has been my struggle since I was 14 years old...
I remember it came with a director threatening to ax me from a play if I didn't loose the weight I'd gained – and so it began. The painful comments I have received from that person really seeped into my need for approval - who I wished had said “your beautiful. Period.” However, now I know it is up to me to say that to me, no one else.
Thankfully enough I am working on emotional boundaries so that person doesn't harm how I feel about my body. It's still painful though when it happens so I am working on that. But I did make a stand this past weekend. Yea me. And when that person commented on another persons flaws I stood up for them. I did not accept their demand that I back down. And it felt good – a little nerve wracking, but good. I will feel beautiful and luscious in my body, whatever I wear! I won't let them or society say I have to look a certain way to get approval. Fuck that.
It's interesting cause this person in particular who caused me so much anxiety about showing my body is not in the greatest shape themselves. It reminds me of a friend long ago with anorexia who was a huge bully to others as a way to take the magnifying glass off herself – I get it. And it is (literally) food for thought.
So can I offer compassion to this person who is is judgmental towards me and others? Can I not take whatever they say personally knowing that's their shit and not mine? I mean, who cares if they don't like my pants, my body, my hair, my suit – they don't have to wear them! And that's it! And that my friend is a great emotional boundary. Wish me luck!
So last night I listened to a session I recorded with a star chart reader 3 years ago. It blew my mind. First, I had internalized some of the learnings I'd had all those years ago but second, some of the stuff that I missed from that talk I am working on right now: Emotional Boundaries.
Now what the heck are those I thought. Seriously. I know personal and professional boundaries and feel I have done well working with those but an emotional boundary – WTH
For example: A past boss tells me “good job!” and I am over the moon with pride. This is not a great emotional boundary because in the next moment he tells me “nothing you do is good enough though” and I come crashing down. It's a roller coaster. And why? Because my emotions are pinging and ponging all over the place in regards to someone elses opinion of me. And that's baloney to feel good or bad about myself based on someone elses opinion.
Think about a parent. Mom says “wow, you look good in that dress” and you feel great. In the next moment she says “oh...but your hair, and makes a disapproving face” and you freak out inside “what about my hair?!” In the span of 5 seconds you have soared to great heights only to drop hundreds of feet in self-esteem because your mom has disapproved of you. Emotionally that is like a tiny death of self approval.
So how do I stop soaring and dropping? Well, yesterday was a challenge for me as I was working with a person who was not being their usual cheerful self. As per my 'default programming' I went into cheerleader mode until I realized them feeling bad and then me feeling bad is a signal my emotional boundaries are at square one.
So I started to do my own thing, leaving them to honour their pain and working at not taking it on and of course not having it taken out on me. It was a challenge. By the time they left I felt emotionally frazzled but at one point when they tried to control my feelings I shot back with a 'get a grip.' I wasn't taking their controlling nature for me to 'behave' and say things in a way they approved of, I'm a pretty good person if I do say so myself.
I am now working at saying “Accept me as I am (rain dancing and swearwords and all) or accept that I won't be in your life much as I am not going to change into the perfect/fake/stepford woman when I am around you.” Or, if you become great at emotional boundaries you can be around that person who is trying to control you with their mood or actions and when they say “don't say that” or “I don't like that” and you can say “that's ok. I do.” and know them not liking that is their shit not yours. Yea, I swore, you heard it. But I still like me and that's what counts.
This thought that 'I'm not just here to pay bills and die' really struck home a few weeks ago and motivated me to book a much needed getaway on V-day weekend (which I spent in a solo, loving & reflective retreat). Now of course I'm not going anywhere fancy like to Dubai, which has so been done(by me actually), but to an ashram where I will be staying in a tent by the ocean - it sounds crazy I know - but it feels so right!
After this winter I had almost lost all hope for warmth so a little spring thaw is what I really needed - and it's working preemptively! I'm so looking forward to it everything just seems so wonderful - have you ever felt that way when looking forward to something?
So I am curious 'What do you need right now to look forward to? And how are you going to go about manifesting it? I manifested this trip in 3 days - made a vision board, woke up to it, felt it in my bones (I think that's the most important part of manifestation) and then went into action! The third and just as important step! And I did it with a little dance when all was said and done! How about you? I'd love to hear what it is that would make your soul sing this coming solstice. ~ Big Love~ Kelly
I Deserve a Good Man: And so do You!
The other day after ending the current relationship I was embarking on I was feeling really choked up - I had felt that since I wasn't in perfect shape I 'should' settle for a man who wasn't perfect either.
To heck with that! I mean I know nobody is perfect but hear me out...
I finally had the crack of light shift, earth quake really, that I deserved someone that was put together. And not that I needed to settle because I needed some healing love. I mean I have done lots of work on myself, it's not too much to ask that he has too.
There is a big difference in a relationship when a partner needs a little healing balm of love as opposed to an entire lifting out of the ditch to then piggy back on my good nature - I'm not saying that is what he did - I cut it off quick - but I saw it heading there and there was no way I was going to do that to myself again.
But why did I repeat the pattern? At a great talk yesterday this was addressed and it was said that 'repeating patterns is a way of learning what we need to learn in order to grow - and each time we repeat the pattern and learn from it it breaks it down a little more' whew. Thank goddess I am learning!
So my new years belief is this: That I really and truly believe that I deserve a fantastic partner not to carry all my burdens but to be my friend and offer a helping hand and a card for a great therapist if I ever need it. I will do the same.
Happy New Years Love - I wish for you to get what you deserve too! Xo